My 8 year old son misspelled the word “bitch” in the car today and we laughed and laughed. When the hysterics subsided and I corrected his spelling and pronounciation, my husband suggested that maybe we should watch our language in front of the kids.

Say what, now?

I grew up in Bklyn, with parents that never even considered censoring what we saw or heard. When I was 9 or 10, my dad rounded up the kids in the neighborhood and took us all to see Goodfellas. He could not for the life of him understand what all the other parents were so upset about when we got home. This shit is why they have Good Samaritan laws.

My best friend wasn’t allowed to see Dirty Dancing until we got to college. Dirty Dancing!! My parents bought me an unedited VHS of Flashdance when I was 4, and I watched it daily.  At that point there were 2 other kids to take care of and I think my parents just kind of figured there was dancing, I was quiet, things were good. Plus, Jennifer Beals being Jewish was a huge bonus.  To this day, leg warmers are my thing.

I’m the first to admit, I think it’s fucking hilarious when my kids curse. Especially when they do it well, and in the proper context. Last Halloween we were trick or treating by these monster McMansions in my mom’s development, and my kids rolled up on this huge, beautiful house with a koi pond out front. The door opened and the lady of the house appeared dressed as Wonder Woman and gave my kids full-size candy bars. Did I stutter? Full. Size. Candy. Bars. Anyway, WW opens the door and my daughter sticks her head into this woman’s foyer, looks around, and goes, “Mommy!!! They’re rich!”. And my son, my sweet little boy, screams at the top of his lungs, speech impediment on blast, “Yeah!! They wich as fuck!”.

It wasn’t my proudest moment, but it was top 10 of 2017 for sure. But, because I’m above all else a classy lady, my girlfriend and I ducked behind some expensive shrubbery and laughed in secret.

My father in law was once horrified when he walked in to my house and I was cuddling with the twins on the couch watching “Straight Outta Compton.” He looked at me accusingly and said “Are you sure they should be watching this?” I said, “Don’t worry- they’ve seen it before.” My oldest has a habit of asking people if they’ve touched his drum set (if you haven’t seen “Step Brothers”, we can’t be friends).

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “don’t repeat that!” or “whatever you do, do not say that in school!”, I’d have my own fucking koi pond.

Nope, foul language doesn’t bother me. Probably because my kids are awesome. I will take a loving, smart, funny, respectful, amazing kid with a potty mouth over a prissy little asshole any day. I think part of the problem we’re facing right now is that everyone is so focused on words, and looking for things to be offended by. Fuck that. I love to laugh, and I love watching my kids laugh. Like really laugh.

And believe me when I tell you, that bitch was rich as fuck.


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